


SEAL Team

by JilyCSLove



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Swan - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-13 08:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16014188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JilyCSLove/pseuds/JilyCSLove
Summary: Killian is a Navy SEAL and after 17 years Emma’s not sure she can continue being put second.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after watching SEAL Team with David Boreanaz so some scenes are based off that show.

Robin stops her after everyone sings Happy Birthday to little Liam and hugs her tightly. Emma feels her eyes water but wills it away before Robin pulls back to hold her at arm's length, “How are you?” He asks. 

She chuckles, wiping at the lone tear that managed to escape, “Good. I miss you guys. Sucks this is the way it works.”

“We know. And if we had any inkling you two wouldn’t work things out we’d all be taking it pretty hard.”

“Yeah I know.”

Robin pulls her back into a side hug as they turn to watch little Liam run into Killian’s arms. Killian heft’s him in the air before hugging him close. The rest of their extended family is there. The SEAL Team. There for little Liam, for Elsa, for their recently passed away leader and brother, Liam Sr. 

“How is he?” She asks. 

Robin's eyes are sad as he glances at her and she knew better then to ask him. David may have given her an answer (only because she is his sister and he can’t deny her anything) but the others. They may have been her family for the past sixteen years but they were one hundred percent loyal to Killian. As it should be. Robin squeezes her tight then let’s go as her two oldest children approach them. They greet Robin then turn to her, “We’re going to bail.” Her daughter says and Emma preps herself for this argument. 

“It’s Liam’s Birthday.”

“Yeah and we sang Happy Birthday to him and watched him blow out the candles.”

Emma glances at her oldest and he shrugs, his eyes darting to Robin. Turning to Robin she asks, “Where are the twins?”

Robin cringes, “There’s a party….”

Emma’s eyes go back to her daughter, “Neal’s leaving now, he can give us a ride.” 

Killian walks up behind the kids, “What’s going on?”

“Daddy.” Lani spins around and Emma rolls her eyes, she knows exactly how this will end, “Ben and I want to go to a party with Neal.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckles as he glances to Emma who gives a small nod to him. 

“Please Daddy. The twins are already there, right Uncle Robin.”

“Please leave me out of this.” Robin groans, “But yes they are”

“Ben?”

Their oldest gives a shrug, “Just some people getting together to eat pizza and play video games.”

“And drink?” Emma asks. 

“I’m sure there will be some alcohol there.”

Killian meets her eyes again and holds them for a long moment. In the past he’s always let the final decision be hers, she’s the one that’s home with them when he is away. But lately their parenting communication has been off. Killian glances down at their daughter and nods with a smirk, Lani squeals throwing her arms around her dad's neck, “Just be home by curfew, no drinking and driving.”

“We know Dad.” Lani says already walking away, “Bye Mom.”

“Keep an eye on your sister please.” Emma tells Ben who winks at her before kissing her on the cheek. “Don’t I always?” He asks and Emma smiles as he turns to shake his father’s hand before following his sister and cousin out the front door. 

Robin has disappeared leaving her and Killian alone for the first time in a long time. 

“She’s growing up too fast.” Killian says, as they watch their kids climb into their cousin’s car. 

“I’m worried about when Ben graduates and we’ll have no one to watch over her.”

Killian chuckles running a hand through his hair, “There’s always Neal and Roland.”

“Oh God.” And they both laugh. 

 

———

It’s her third day at Elsa’s house, when Killian joins her to help pack it up. Elsa was going to hire professionals but Emma being a glutton for punishment had offered to do it herself. How much stuff could a family of three have?

The answer was a lot. 

They work in separate rooms for a couple of hours before Killian finds her in the kitchen. He grabs a water from the refrigerator and hops up on the counter to drink it. Emma continues to ignore him as she opens a new box and makes her way to the living room. 

“How did we get suckered into this again?” 

She smiles, “I may have volunteered.”

He chuckles, “Hey let’s go to dinner.” He hops off the counter and makes his way to where she is boxing up the knick knacks from a bookcase. 

She tries to ignore him but he takes the piece from her hands and places it to the side. He tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear and tilts his head, “Some Tex Mex?” 

Emma sighs, “It’s not a good idea.”

Killian grins and leans closer as if he is going to kiss her, “It’s a great idea.”

Emma considers letting him before stepping away, picking up a box and carrying it to place on the others, “It’s too confusing”

Killian scuffs, “What, for the kids?”

Their three beautiful children. Ben at seventeen and about to enter his Senior year of High School was a surprise to the young couple who had only been dating for six months when they found out about him. Emma was in her first year of college, Killian having just finished Boot Camp for the Navy Seals and was a few months away from entering Pre-BUDS, a two month intense training camp. And so they went to the courthouse with their brothers and their respective wives as witnesses and married two days before he was shipped off. Ben was born into this world with dark hair and the bluest eyes, just like his father. Lani came two years later. Not really planned, but not exactly prevented. She looked just like her older brother and father with her dark, dark hair and blue, blue eyes. For a moment everything felt perfect. And although they both agreed they were done having kids, it was her that brought it up again ten years later. And he jumped at the chance, resulting in their little boy Jace, her blonde haired (finally), blue eyed Prince. 

Emma glances at him, “No. For me.” His blue eyes that all her kids were gifted with, dart away from her, “We’re separated for a reason.”

“Right.” He says, stepping away, “Because I’m never here.”

Emma narrows her eyes, “Nooo. Because you’re not here even when you are here.” Her eyes study his for a long moment. 

He turns and makes his way to the window, staring outside and she glances down, watching as his left hand clenches and unclenches repeatedly. A new habit, twitch, since the surgery. Since Liam’s death. Since their separation. Emma sighs tilting her head back briefly before walking up behind him. She runs her hand down his arm and wraps her fingers around his hand pulling it up to hold between both of hers, stopping the twitch in the process.

The window shows a giant backyard with a pool and a treehouse. A backyard that holds so many memories for their family. Many barbecues, pool parties and drunken moments between her, Killian, Liam, and Elsa, before and after kids. 

“I miss him too.” Emma whispers as tears fill her eyes. 

“I know.” Killian nods. He turns his hand and squeezes hers, “I know.” His phone beeps and he drops her hand to glance at it. 

She turns and offers a sad smile, knowing their time is up. When the SEALs call, that’s it. He has no say in whether he stays or goes. 

“Stay safe.” She says and he glances up from his phone, his eyes sad as they meet hers. After a moment he leans forward and kisses her cheek. Then he’s out the door and she listens for the rumble of his truck. Her phone rings and she steps away from the window to answer it.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma doesn’t see Killian for another three weeks. She has most of Liam and Elsa’s house packed up when he steps through the door in his civilian clothes. Looking far too beautiful for having spent most of the month in a third world country doing God knows what. 

“Hey.” He leans over to kiss the top of her head and she closes her eyes, sighing in irritation. It’s a habit he’s had for the past sixteen years, kissing her on the head, and it’s one of those things that both comforts and drives her absolutely mad. 

“Everything go okay?” She asks, already knowing he can’t (won’t) tell her any specifics. 

He hums as he sits on the floor and reaches in a box, pulling out a framed photo of his brother and Elsa. The brief glance Emma gets of it, she knows it’s one that was taken on one of their many vacations into the mountains. 

“Everyone’s safe?” And if there’s a bit of irritation in her voice, it’s to be expected. 

He finally glances at her and nods, “Yeah. All clear.”

She sighs. His SEAL team may be his family but they are hers as well. She has spent far too many nights with the other wives and their children worrying over their boys on missions. Praying this would not be the time they would get the visit. The visit Elsa is the most recent of them to get.

/  
 _“Mrs. Jones?” Emma sucks in a breath even though she knows they are speaking to Elsa not her. Still visions of Killian being gone fly through her head and it takes her a moment to focus on what is happening in front of her. By then the news has already been delivered and Elsa is crumpled on the entryway floor as she sobs. Emma reaches for her, nodding at the men that had to come deliver the news. She recognizes the silent one but she can’t recall his name._

__

__

“The others?” Emma asks, her voice hitching, “Can you tell us if the others with him are okay?”

“I’m sorry ma’am that’s confidential information.” The one standing in front of the door says.

“Please? My husband. My brother.”

“That’s Nolan’s sister.” The man she thinks she recognizes says quietly to the older man, “Killian’s wife.”

 _The older man kneels to help Elsa stand and walks them inside to the couch. Once Elsa is seated he turns to Emma and reaches out for her arm. “This is off the record, but the other men have been reported safe and are on their way home as we speak.”_  
/

“We have a rookie.” Killian says and she’s shakes herself from the memory. “I swear to God he’s no older than Ben.” Emma chuckles. “He’s a cocky little shit. Doesn’t follow directions very well.”

Emma raises her eyebrows and he waves a hand at her. 

“Oh don’t say it, Robin already did. He’s nothing like me.”

“Nothing?” She says skeptically. 

“I was cocky, sure” to which she throws out a “was?” before he continues, “But I at least had Liam, who always knew how to keep me in line.”

She watches as he stares at the photo a moment longer before placing it back in the box, “Who knows, I probably would have been worse than this kid without him.”

“No doubt.” He chuckles at her, “Did anyone ever figure out how many times he saved your life?”

“Not that I know of.”

He goes silent and Emma lowers her eyes. That was stupid of her to bring up. Killian blames himself for his brother's death. How many times did his brother save his life but he couldn’t return the favor.

Their youngest, bless his five-year-old heart, chooses that moment to come in from the backyard and launch himself into his dad’s lap. And it’s tickling and wrestling after that. A perfect distraction for where their conversation had been heading. 

But then again, that was the problem. They never talked about the important stuff. Not anymore. 

If she was being truthful not for a long time. 

Years even. 

———

The next SEAL family get together is at her brother and sister-in-law's house to celebrate the birth of their son. Mary Margaret has been home for nearly two months with the new baby and Emma has visited as often as possible. David has been home during that time but Emma knows he’s anxious to get back in the field. 

Jace runs off to play with some of the other younger kids as soon as they step into the backyard and Ben makes his way to the grill where Killian and David are standing. David raises his beer to her and she waves, watching as Killian wraps an arm around his son’s shoulders. Between Killian being away on missions and Ben doing two a days to prepare for the upcoming football season, they haven’t seen one another in over a month. Emma feels partly guilty about that. If they weren’t separated, Killian would be at the house when he wasn’t away and they would at least be able to see one another in passing. 

Lani is already off with her friends so Emma makes her way to the other wives, most who are surrounding Mary Margaret and baby Leo. 

Emma went to school with Mary Margaret, in fact she was her best friend before she started dating Emma’s brother David. David went off to Boot Camp (he was a year old then them) in the middle of their Senior Year and introduced Emma to Killian at his graduation eight weeks later. Half a year later they were married and pregnant with Ben. 

David married Mary Margaret that same summer, just a few months before them. Neal came a year after Ben was born and they have struggled to have more children since. It was so heartbreaking watching them struggle, but seeing her baby nephew in his Mary-Margaret’s arms now fills her heart with so much warmth. 

“Emma!” 

She smiles at Mary- Margaret as she settles into a chair near her. Mary-Margaret immediately hands her son to her and Emma coos over him as her friend stretches.

“He’s missed his Aunt the past few nights.”

“He has or has his mom?” She teases and Mary-Margaret chuckles. 

“I’m going to go say hi to the boys at the grill. You okay with him?”

Emma waves her off before settling back into the chair with Leo. 

-

Emma is in the nursery, walking and bouncing Leo to sleep. He’s been crying for nearly twenty minutes but she doesn’t want to bother her brother or Mary-Margaret. Leo finally settles and closes his eyes when she hears Killian’s accented voice whisper from behind her, “You ready for another one?” 

Emma turns, nearly waking the baby up with her groan, “Please tell me you aren’t serious?”

Killian’s eyes dance as he glances down at Leo asleep in her arms, “I don’t know. Seeing you holding him just makes me miss it.”

“You weren’t here for the twenty minutes of screaming he just did before he fell asleep.”

Killian hums, his hand lightly brushing over the dark hair on Leo’s head, “He looks exactly how Neal looked when he was a baby.”

“Doesn’t he!” Emma gasps excitedly, “It’s so amazing. All our babies looked different. I mean besides their eyes.” 

Their eyes meet for a long moment before Emma breaks and looks down at Leo, she steps away and turns to put him in his rock n play, “You really would want another one?” She asks as she arranges him. 

“I don’t know. Maybe. If we weren’t …”

“Separated.” She turns with a sigh, “Killian, a lot would have to change for me to even consider another baby. I mean being a single mother while being married has never been easy but with the others I was so much younger. I can’t even …”

“Relax Emma. It was just a joke.” His voice has a bit of bite to it and when she looks at him, his eyes have hardened, he turns from her and makes his way out of the door, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” Emma whispers watching him as he walks away.

-

Emma is coming back from the bathroom when she steps around the corner into the kitchen. 

“... understand why she’s even here. They’re separated.”

Freezing as she takes in the group around the island making margaritas, Emma takes the few steps back around the corner, thankful no one had seen her. 

“... technically David’s sister.”

“Foster.” 

Emma swallowes back her outburst. David and her may not be biologically related but it didn’t make them less family. Especially considering she had been a part of his family since she was twelve and he was thirteen. 

“...jealous because Killian brushed off your advances the other night at the bar.”

“Hardly.” Emma recognizes the voice as the sister of one of the older wives. “He didn’t brush me off, he got a call to go in. You all know better than anyone how they have to drop everything for those.”

A few of the ladies chuckle. 

“Did you actually see the message?”

“No?”

“Did you even hear his phone go off?”

“He probably had it on silent.” But now the girl doesn’t sound so sure. 

“Sorry dear but their phones are never on silent.” 

Not even when they are at the movies or church or their daughters dance recital during her award winning solo. 

“The boys like to use their SEALs connections to get out of all sorts of confrontations.”

“Just the other night I asked James to take out the trash and he actually faked a call.”

The group breaks out into laughter and to Emma’s relief make their way to the back door. 

“Look Kels, my advice to you is to find another guy. Preferably one that actually is single.”

“But he’s gorgeous. And they’re separated.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s only ever had eyes for Emma since the day they met. You don’t …”

The voices fade out and Emma moves from her spot, only to squeal as a voice from behind her says, “Well that was interesting.”

“Ruby!” Emma holds a hand to her chest as she recognizes the dark haired girl, “What the bloody hell?”

Ruby chuckles as she makes her way into the kitchen, Emma follows behind her and they stop at the island to make their own margaritas. 

“Did you know you get all British like your husband when you get scared?”

Emma chuckles, “Yes. When I’m mad too. The kids always know when I’m starting to lose it when I go from my American accent to British.”

Ruby smiles, her eyes sparkling with amusement. They finish making their drinks and head back outside. They pause on the porch briefly and Emma’s eyes find the Kelsey girl that had been talking about her and Killian. 

“You know you don’t have to worry about her, right?” Ruby says, bumping her hip against Emma’s, “Her or anyone else for that matter.”

“I mean…”

Ruby turns to face her and Emma raises her eyebrows, “I’m not going to pretend to understand why you’re doing this but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how hard it must be on you when we’re gone.”

“It’s not that.”

“I know. Jones has some shit he needs to work through. We all saw it before Liam …” Ruby’s voice falters and she glances away, Emma wraps her hand around Ruby’s wrist and squeezes. She knows very little about the mission that went wrong, but she does know Ruby was the one on the coms as it all went to hell. That she listened as Liam took his last breaths. Ruby’s eyes find hers again and although there are no tears, there’s a hardness there. A closed off look she sees in Killian. Sometimes David. “He blames himself, you know that right.”

“I know.” Emma says. 

“It’s my fault though.”

Emma tries to stop her, “Ruby.” 

“No.” Ruby grabs Emma’s hand from her wrist and squeezes her fingers so tight Emma grinds her teeth to keep herself from flinching, “I was supposed to warn them of anyone approaching from the South. I never saw them. I never… I’ve gone over it a thousand times in my head and I still never see anything.”

Emma frantically searches around before finally meeting David’s eye. She widens hers and he is heading towards her before she can take another breath. 

“I just don’t understand how I never saw even a…”

David is there and he wraps an arm around Ruby and pulls her back inside the house, “Hey Lucas, lets get you another drink, yeah?”

Ruby willingly goes and Emma stares after them for a long moment


	3. Chapter 3

“Coach says if Ben keeps it up he could be recruited to play at one of the top ten schools.” Killian says as he enters the kitchen, stepping around a box to open the fridge. 

Emma glances behind her at him, she’s sitting on the floor, packing Elsa’s pots and pans. “Except he’s planning to recruit as soon as he turns eighteen.”

Killian freezes as he turns to her, “He hasn't mentioned it to me.”

Emma shrugs,“I think he just recently came to the decision. You know Neal and Roland have planned on it since they hit puberty but Ben’s been talking less and less about football and more about what other options there are.”

“And is, I mean, will he be..”

“Yes Killian. He wants to join the SEALs.”

“Well shit.” Killian sits on a stool at the island and runs his hand through his hair. It’s the longest it’s been in a long time and Emma itches to run her own fingers through it, “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Emma tilts his head, “Are you really so surprised? He’s always look up to you and the guys. He’s always bragged on you since he could talk.”

“I know but lately.”

Emma chuckles as she places another pot into a box, “Killian, that’s just him protecting me. He’s angry at us both but he feels he can be more aggressive towards you.”

They work in silence packing up the kitchen after that. Emma mentions the parent teacher conference coming up for Jace. Never before would she have bothered Killian over a Kindergarten meeting. She didn’t for Ben or Lani’s but he’s really trying to be more present. For her and for the kids. 

Not that he wasn’t present before. It’s just, when your husband is out saving the country from deadly terrorists, it’s hard to put a parent teacher conference at the top of the honey do list. 

——

Emma has just sat down with a glass of wine and the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy when the front door slams open and Ben storms into the house. 

Emma jumps to her feet, her heart pounding, “Ben?” But he passes by her and into his room without a word, and she flinches as he slams his door shut. She turns back to the front door as Lani comes through with Jace in her arms. Emma hurries over and takes Jace from her daughter, rubbing his back as he lays his head on her shoulder.

“What happened? Why are you guys back so early?”

It was the annual SEAL gala. A gala she has attended with her husband and children for the past sixteen years. This year she did not receive an invitation, although she was relieved to see her children had been invited. 

Lani presses her lips together and shakes her head, “I’m going to change out of this.” she says instead of explaining, she turns to head to her room. 

“Lani. What’s going on? The gala can’t already be over.”

Lani turns refusing to meet her mom’s eyes. Emma sets Jace on the couch, brushing his blonde hair from his eyes as they flutter closed, before going to her daughter.

“What is it sweetheart?”

Lani sighs, “It’s Dad. He … he brought a date.” Her daughters watery eyes meet hers as Emma feels her heart stop. She takes a step back, covering her mouth.

“Mom….”

The front door opens again, “Emma! Are the kids here? Are they okay?”

Both Emma and Lani turn to the door to see Killian standing there, looking flushed. His hair, which had probably been perfectly styled for the gala, now looks like he had been running his hands through it and his bow tie is crooked. 

“I … um. Yes.” She waves to where Jace is passed out on the couch. 

“Thank God.” His hand brushes through his hair again 

“Yes. So I assume you need to return to the gala. To your date.” 

Killian’s eyes shoot up and meet hers and she twists her mouth as her eyes narrow.

“Em, it’s not like that.”

“Oh. Well perhaps you should have thought about bringing another woman to a gala your kids were attending.”

Killian opens his mouth to respond but Ben’s door slams open and their son comes barreling out, directly into Killian’s face, “YOU HAD NO RIGHT! NO RIGHT!”

“BEN!” Emma pushes her body between her son and husband, when she manages to separate them she looks up at her son (and when did that happen? How is he so much taller than her now?) and places her hands on his face, “Baby, it’s okay.”

“It’s not, Mom!” he says, still staring his dad down, refusing to look at her, “He brought some red haired bimbo to a family event. Was parading her around and had the nerve to introduce her to us, to Jace!”

Emma cringes at the thought of that. They haven’t really told Jace about the separation, deciding it was probably too confusing for him, “Hey, Ben, look at me.” Finally his eyes find hers and they are so blue, so like his father’s it takes her a moment to gather her thoughts, “I appreciate you looking out for me. Protecting me.”

“Mom.” He groans but she keeps his face between her hands.

“I appreciate it but I don’t need it. I can take care of myself. Your dad and I are working through some stuff and we’re trying to do it without completely traumatizing you and your brother and sister.”

“Well he’s completely fucking up.”

“Language, Ben.” Emma snaps.

Ben jerks his face from her and turns away from her, heading towards the back door, slamming it behind him, Emma flinches again then sighs as Jace starts crying. Her eyes meet Killians and surprisingly he looks completely broken. 

“I’ll get Jace to bed Mom.” Lani offers and Emma nods.

“Thank you sweetheart.”

A few moments later Emma is alone with Killian and she feels the last few moments catch up to her. 

“Emma….” 

She holds up a hand to stop him, “I need a drink before we have this conversation.” She makes her way back into his office, a room she hasn’t stepped into in months and makes her way to his stash of liquor, pouring two glasses of rum. Holding one glass back behind her, she feels his fingers brush over hers as he takes it and she knocks back her own drink before pouring a second glass and finally turning to him, “So you brought a date.”

“No.” He says, their eyes meeting for a long moment. She breaks first and glances over his shoulder. He reaches a hand for her elbow but she pulls away. She can’t touch him right now. Not with everything swirling in her heard, “Em, she wasn’t a date in the way you are thinking.”

Emma raises her eyebrows, “Oh? What other way is there?”

He sighs and turns from her making his way to the couch and sitting on the edge. He takes a sip from his glass before leaning forward, his arms on his knees, “She’s just one of our co-workers. One of the CIA opps that comes on missions with us.”

Emma studies him as he stares down into his glass, swirling the liquid, then turns her eyes to the window behind his desk, “You know it would be okay if she was a date.” He jerks his head up and she holds a hand up, “I just mean, we are separated. Isn’t that a part of the deal?”

Killian jumps up and makes his way to her, placing his glass on his desk as he passes by it, “We’re separated to work on us. Not so we can date other people.” His hands are on her shoulders and he is pulling her into his arms before she realizes tears are falling down her face. She takes a deep breath and feels her breath hitch at the overwhelming smell of him. She hasn’t been this close to him in so long and she has missed it. Missed him so very much. His hands brush up and down her back and over her head.

“I’m not interested in other women, Em. You’re the only oneI want.”

Emma nods as tears continue to fall, she hadn’t realized how terrified she had been. She never imagined when they agreed to this separation she would have to imagine him on a date with another. 

He kisses the top of her head and takes a deep breath, “I love you, Em. You. I’m doing this separation thing for you.”

Emma shakes her head and Killian pulls her back to him, she buries her face in his chest, breathing in him again and again. It has been so long since she’s felt this with him. Even before they separated, there was very little time for them between his job and the kids. She feels her breath hitch and more tears fall as Killian brushes his hand over her head and across her back. They stay like that for a long time until her tears have dried up and she realizes they are swaying. 

“What are you doing?”

Killian pulls back, a hand coming up to cup her cheek, “For 16 years I have only danced with you at the gala. And this year I was so torn I wouldn’t get to. So I’m dancing. With my wife, for the seventeenth year in a row on this night.”

“But I look a mess.” Emma whispers nodding to her plain t-shirt (really one of Killian’s old shirts) and her sweats and bare feet. 

Killian smiles as he follows his fingers brushing across her cheek before pulling her back to his chest. 

“Love, you look perfect.” He says so low she’s not sure she is meant to hear. They dance for a few moments until Emma pulls back some. Their eyes meet and she knows it’s coming before he does it. His lips crash to hers and she is pulling him tighter against her with his jacket as his hand dives into her hair, gripping the back of her head. Their teeth clash and their tongues meet as they deepen the kiss. And it’s been so long since she’s felt this. Since she’s had this that she almost, almost gives in completely. 

It’s him that finally pulls away, his forehead connecting with hers as his eyes close and he breathes heavily. She’s breathing just as fast and her fingers ache from how tight she is holding his jacket. She refuses to let go. If she does, she’s afraid of how long it will be until the next time she sees him. Feels him. 

So it’s a blessing (and isn’t that just ironic) when his phone beeps. They both let out a breath and he kisses her forehead before pulling away. Emma has to force each finger to release his jacket, her joints aching at the action. He gives her a grimace as he pulls his phone out and glances at it. 

“Be safe.” She says but he shakes his head, showing the screen to her. 

“It’s just Robin checking in. He saw Ben storm out.” He takes a moment to shoot a quick reply then tosses the phone onto his desk. 

“What’s going on with him?” Killian asks as he picks up his drink and makes his way back to sit on the couch, “I understand why he’s upset but normally he’s not so quick tempered.”

Emma sighs as she makes her way to the couch, “His coach has called a few times. He’s having a lot of anger issues on the field. They’re threatening to bench him. When I told him he went off the handle, slamming things, broke a glass, refused to clean it and left for a couple of hours.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah. Turned off his phone. Had me so worried.”

“Emma! Why didn’t you call me?”

She looks at him and his eyebrows lower, “You did.” He takes a drink and lowers his arms to his legs as he leans forward his head hanging down, “I hate this.”

“I know.” She whispers, “I planned on telling you, just haven’t had a chance yet since you returned.”

His hand is on his thigh clinched, and before the tic can even start she covers it with her own, feeling it relax after a moment.

“What about Lani? And Jace? Are they acting out at all?”

“Nothing unusual. Lani feels guilty, I think. She hasn’t said but I think she blames herself for taking up your time.”

“Not even an issue.”

“I know. She has a couple of dance competitions coming up so you might ask about them. Try to come if you’re able to.”

Killian nods, “Of course.”

“Jace…” Now she is the one staring firm into her drink, unsure on if she should tell him, she hadn’t planned on it but he did ask. He turns his hand and squeezes. 

“Tell me.” He whispers. 

“He wakes up at least once during the night crying for you.”

“Every night?”

Emma nods, sipping at her glass, “Every night.” She tries to say but her throat cracks. 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah.” 

They sit in silence for a good long time. Emma tucks her legs under her and tips her head back, “Are we doing the right thing here Killian? Are we totally screwing up our kids? Because I don’t know anymore. I know why but I don’t know if it’s worth it.”

He turns to her, a hand brushing across her forearm before squeezing her hand, “Your happiness is worth it. We’re not screwing them up, it’s just giving them character.”

Emma smiles weakly and he brushes his fingers across her forehead, “You needed this Emma. And I’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy.”

“But I’m not. That’s the thing. I’m not happy when you are here with us, and yet I’m not happy when you’re away. I feel like I’m pushing our luck because what if …” her breath hitches, she can’t voice it. If she does it becomes real but if she doesn’t, “What if a mission goes wrong, and you … and…” she takes a deep breath as he shushes her.

“First off, nothing's going to happen to me.” Emma gives him a hard look because he knows better than both of them he can’t guarantee that, “What’s going on Emma? You never used to worry about this stuff.”

Emma scuffs at that, “Oh I did. I just was able to hide it well when you were home.” Off his look she adds, “You had so much else to worry about, I didn’t ever want you to worry about me”

“Oh Emma.” He moves closer, pulling her to him, “Little do you know I always worry about you. When I’m gone, when I'm here. There’s not a day, a moment, you aren’t always on my mind.”

Emma curls against him, letting him comfort her in a way he hasn’t for so very long. These are the moments she always longed for, yet these are the moments that became so very rare even before they separated. 

 

——-

Lani squeals and takes off running down the hallway the moment she sees her dad. Emma smiles and hangs back letting them have their moment. She knows how much it means to their daughter to have her dad here to watch her. Especially because of how hard she has worked on this specific solo. She spent many hours in the studio rehearsing. Emma suspects it was her way of avoiding. 

When she finally approaches them, Killian is brushing the tears from Lani’s eyes with his thumbs and she gives him a soft smile. 

“You didn’t tell me dad was coming.” Lani says turning to her, Killian’s arm still across her shoulders. 

Emma fiddles with Lani’s curls, “I wanted to surprise you.” 

Also, she learned so long ago to never tell their kids their Dad would be somewhere if there was even the slimiest chance he could be called out. 

“Well thank you.” And her fifteen year old daughter hugs her. Emma catches Killian’s eye over their daughters shoulder and she can’t help the tears welling up in her own eyes. 

“Lani! You’re up next.”

“Oh!” She pulls away from them both, “I have to go. Love you both.” And she is gone. 

Emma and Killian make their way out to the audience to find Ben and Jace and sit as the last group finishes.

—

Their family of five settle into the booth at The Ice Cream Palace after Lani’s recital, when Killian’s phone rings. The looks of immediate disappointment from all three of their children is nothing new to her, although Ben tries to play his off with a scowl and Lani disguises hers with a bright smile, not fooling any of them. Jace is the only one to truly voice how much he hates it as he latches onto Killian’s arm, his ice cream completely forgotten. 

“Just…” Killian sighs as Jace buries his face in his stomach, “Jace, buddy,” Killian says, brushing his hand over Jace’s head, “Let me see what’s going on. I promise I’ll come back and finish our ice cream date.”

Jace lifts his head at that, “You promise?”

Killian meets Emma’s own skeptical look and nods, “Yeah, buddy, I promise.”

Jace is happy with that as Killian gets up and makes his way outside, the phone to his ear before he’s even out the doors

“Mom, he shouldn’t…”

“Shhh.” Emma places her hand on Lani’s, “He wouldn’t promise if he didn’t intend to keep it.” She tells her daughter quietly so Jace doesn’t hear them. 

It’s five minutes before Killian   
returns to the table and although he sits and takes a bite of his melting ice cream, Emma can see the change in him. He’s no longer in family mode, his mind is elsewhere now. 

Jace is trying to tell Killian a joke but he doesn’t respond and it takes Emma kicking him under the table for him to snap out of it. 

“Daddy?”

“Hmm, what Buddy? I'm sorry I didn’t hear that last bit.”

Killian is smiling down at him and Jace starts to tell the joke again but Ben, who Emma knows has been building up since the phone call, blurts out, “Just go!”

“Ben.” Emma reaches for his hand on the table but he jerks it away from her. 

“No Mom, we all know he doesn’t want to be here. We all know he needs to go. Country before family.” He says this last part to Killian and Emma notices a few heads turn their way. 

“Stop it Ben.” Lani hisses and he turns his anger on her. 

“Oh you stop. You’re so fake when they’re around but we all know you cry yourself to sleep at night. That you no longer eat and what you do eat,” he nods at her ice cream, “you’ll go and throw up later.”

Emma gasps and turns to her daughter. Tears are streaming down her face as she shakes her head, “I don’t. It’s not true mom. Daddy, I swear,”

Ben scuffs, “I heard you in the bathroom.”

Lani stands and runs outside. Emma stands with a sigh, “Ben that was completely out of line.”

“You needed to know.” He says in his defense. 

“You’re right, I did. We did.” She says glancing at Killian. He has Jace in his arms and is glancing down at his watch on his wrist, “But that was not the way to go about it.”

Ben shrugs and Killian snaps, “I don’t have time for this Benjamin,” he says lowly through his clenched teeth, “You and I will discuss this later tonight when I return.”

“And, you’re grounded.” Emma adds. 

“Whatever” and he turns to follow Lani out the door. 

Emma picks up their trash at the table and moves to throw it away. Killian follows behind, his one free hand with a pile of trash. 

“Em, we really need to go.”

“I know we do. But if you haven’t noticed our family is completely falling apart.”

She takes Jace from him and makes her way to the car. Once she has him buckled she leans across and takes Bens phone from his hands. 

“What the?”

“You’ll get it back once you sit down and have a civilized conversation with me.” She whispers to him before pulling away and closing the door behind her. She climbs into the passenger seat and after sliding on her seatbelt, Killian starts the car and makes his way to their house. 

“When I turn eighteen I am so out of this disaster of a family.”

Emma glances back at him, and she has no reply for him. Killian is watching her when she turns back around but she avoids his eyes just as Ben had avoided hers. Everything sure feels like a disaster right now and she can’t help but wonder if she is to blame. 

They make it home and Killian turns to Emma after Ben and Lani both shut themselves into their rooms, “So much for quality family time.”

Emma smiles but there’s really no heart behind it. She’s extremely worried about what Ben has told them about Lani. She truly had no idea and she feels like a complete failure as a mother. 

Killian looks down at his watch again and jiggles his keys, “I’m sorry I’m leaving you with this mess, but I really should get to base.”

Emma nods and turns from him without a goodbye. She’s just opened the front door when he calls out to her from the open window of his car, 

“I will be back in a few hours so hold off on talking to the kids. I’ll help.”

Emma watches him for a long moment. How many times has she heard those words in one form or another. How many times has she waited and a few hours turns into a few days turns into a few weeks. 

And she gets it. She really does. But she’s so tired of waiting. 

“Okay.”


End file.
